Post by Ben Braeden on Oct 31, 2011 23:14:58 GMT -5
I found this on Facebook while looking for some Dean type of pickup lines for Ben, and thought that I should post them here. XD
1. Guns don't kill demons. Dean Winchester kills demons.
2. There is no hierarchy of demons. Just a list of demons Dean Winchester allows to live. For now.
3. When Dean Winchester was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Dean Winchester received an "A+" for writing only the words "Dean Winchester" and promptly turning in the paper.
4. The chief export of Dean Winchester is SEX.
5. Dean Winchester does not go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dean Winchester goes killing.
6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dean Winchester.
7. Dean Winchester does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
8. If Dean Winchester is late, time better slow the fuck down.
9. Dean Winchester can slam a revolving door.
10. Dean Winchester's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
No, wait. That's Chuck Norris.
ADDENDUM: Dean Winchester has cured cancer and looked damn good doing it.
11. If a demon can see Dean Winchester, he can see it. If it can't see Dean Winchester it may be only seconds away from death.
12. Dean Winchester has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
13. When Dean Winchester sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Dean Winchester has not had to pay taxes, ever.
14. Dean Winchester owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
He was four.
15. Dean Winchester doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
16. Dean Winchester is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
17. Time and tide wait for no man. Unless that man is Dean Winchester.
18. Dean Winchester sleeps with a night light. Not because Dean Winchester is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Dean Winchester.
19. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWDWD?"
20. Crop circles are Dean Winchester's way of telling the world that sometimes, corn needs to lie the fuck down.
21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dean Winchester can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
22. Dean Winchester has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
23. Dean Winchester actually died ten years ago, but no Grim Reaper can get up the courage to tell him.
24. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dean Winchester and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
25. Dean Winchester once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
26. Dean Winchester is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Dean claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
27. Dean Winchester is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Dean Winchester.
28. Dean Winchester's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
29. Dean Winchester always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.
30. Dean Winchester sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled hunting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Dean shot the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
***
Part two
1. Dean Winchester destroyed the periodic table, because Dean Winchester only recognizes the element of surprise.
2. When Dean Winchester calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
3. Dean Winchester once kicked down a door so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Dean Winchester at one time worked for General Mills. His job was to be in the presence of the marshmallows so that they would truly become lucky charms.
5. If you ask Dean Winchester what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he shoots you in the face.
6. Dean Winchester can touch MC Hammer.
7. If you spell Dean Winchester in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
8. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Dean Winchester once and he will fuck you up.
9. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Dean Winchester turned that wine into beer.
10. Dean Winchester can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell, "What the hell was that?!"
11. Dean Winchester does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
12. When Dean Winchester goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
13. Dean Winchester once ate a whole cake before Sam could tell him there was a stripper in it.
14. Think of a hot woman. Dean Winchester did her.
15. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Dean Winchester to go around.
16. Dean Winchester actually built the stairway to heaven.
17. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Dean Winchester shot one of the corners off.
18. Jesus can walk on water, but Dean Winchester can walk on Jesus.
19. Superman wears Dean Winchester pajamas.
20. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Dean Winchester glare will liquefy your kidneys.
21. Dean Winchester does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
22. When Dean Winchester was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
23. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Dean Winchester can kick his head through a wall and take it.
24. One day Dean Winchester walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
25. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Just one. From Dean Winchester.
26. Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Dean Winchester. Then two wrongs make a shotgun blast to the face.
27. They once made a Dean Winchester toilet paper, but there was a problem - it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
28. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Dean Winchester's fist.
29. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Dean Winchester killed the cat. Every single one of them.
30. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Dean Winchester.
1. Guns don't kill demons. Dean Winchester kills demons.
2. There is no hierarchy of demons. Just a list of demons Dean Winchester allows to live. For now.
3. When Dean Winchester was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Dean Winchester received an "A+" for writing only the words "Dean Winchester" and promptly turning in the paper.
4. The chief export of Dean Winchester is SEX.
5. Dean Winchester does not go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dean Winchester goes killing.
6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dean Winchester.
7. Dean Winchester does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
8. If Dean Winchester is late, time better slow the fuck down.
9. Dean Winchester can slam a revolving door.
10. Dean Winchester's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
No, wait. That's Chuck Norris.
ADDENDUM: Dean Winchester has cured cancer and looked damn good doing it.
11. If a demon can see Dean Winchester, he can see it. If it can't see Dean Winchester it may be only seconds away from death.
12. Dean Winchester has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
13. When Dean Winchester sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Dean Winchester has not had to pay taxes, ever.
14. Dean Winchester owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
He was four.
15. Dean Winchester doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
16. Dean Winchester is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
17. Time and tide wait for no man. Unless that man is Dean Winchester.
18. Dean Winchester sleeps with a night light. Not because Dean Winchester is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Dean Winchester.
19. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWDWD?"
20. Crop circles are Dean Winchester's way of telling the world that sometimes, corn needs to lie the fuck down.
21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dean Winchester can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
22. Dean Winchester has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
23. Dean Winchester actually died ten years ago, but no Grim Reaper can get up the courage to tell him.
24. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dean Winchester and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
25. Dean Winchester once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
26. Dean Winchester is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Dean claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
27. Dean Winchester is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Dean Winchester.
28. Dean Winchester's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
29. Dean Winchester always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.
30. Dean Winchester sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled hunting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Dean shot the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
***
Part two
1. Dean Winchester destroyed the periodic table, because Dean Winchester only recognizes the element of surprise.
2. When Dean Winchester calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
3. Dean Winchester once kicked down a door so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Dean Winchester at one time worked for General Mills. His job was to be in the presence of the marshmallows so that they would truly become lucky charms.
5. If you ask Dean Winchester what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he shoots you in the face.
6. Dean Winchester can touch MC Hammer.
7. If you spell Dean Winchester in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
8. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Dean Winchester once and he will fuck you up.
9. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Dean Winchester turned that wine into beer.
10. Dean Winchester can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell, "What the hell was that?!"
11. Dean Winchester does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
12. When Dean Winchester goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
13. Dean Winchester once ate a whole cake before Sam could tell him there was a stripper in it.
14. Think of a hot woman. Dean Winchester did her.
15. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Dean Winchester to go around.
16. Dean Winchester actually built the stairway to heaven.
17. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Dean Winchester shot one of the corners off.
18. Jesus can walk on water, but Dean Winchester can walk on Jesus.
19. Superman wears Dean Winchester pajamas.
20. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Dean Winchester glare will liquefy your kidneys.
21. Dean Winchester does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
22. When Dean Winchester was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
23. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Dean Winchester can kick his head through a wall and take it.
24. One day Dean Winchester walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
25. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Just one. From Dean Winchester.
26. Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Dean Winchester. Then two wrongs make a shotgun blast to the face.
27. They once made a Dean Winchester toilet paper, but there was a problem - it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
28. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Dean Winchester's fist.
29. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Dean Winchester killed the cat. Every single one of them.
30. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Dean Winchester.
