The One I Tried To Hold On To (By Invite)

[Ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/ei88w7.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #ccc; width: 500px; height: 572px; padding: 0px;, bTable] Ruby paced back and forth in her room; looking at the bags she had packed, unpacked, and repacked. She didn’t want to go with Christopher and yet she wanted to. She knew damn well what stood at journeys end for her, she’d watch him take back his grace and a flash of light later she’d be alone. It was the time between then and now she’d take though, every stolen moment, every touch, and every word that passed between them, all that she told herself she would need to savor so when that time came she could stand there alone and then continue on. When Adam first told her what Christopher was she was angry, upset. After they left the diner she had gone out to the balcony of their room and screamed out over the city, screaming to a God she knew wasn’t listening to her. She yelled at him telling him she hated him, that he had no right, hadn’t she paid enough? First Sam, then hell, now Christopher…was she really topside or was this another new and inventive torture that the demons on the racks had come up with? It didn’t matter much to her, either way she knew she cared for him and now she hated him a little to…it wasn’t his fault he was a fallen angel but the unreasonable part of her blamed him for her feelings towards him, blamed him for pursuing her only to now be leaving her, blamed him for making her question everything she had come to think of as the truths in her life and now…well now. None of that mattered now though, the conversation they needed to have with Sam had changed from “can I go?” to “I’m going”, there was no doubt in her mind of it anymore. She was scared what would happen if Sam’s reaction was no and that he needed her there, honestly she didn’t know what she would do then. The woman who always planned out three steps ahead of her had no idea what to do if faced between the two men who she loved asking her to go with them, one so desperately broken that he might be a danger to everyone around her and the other a guarantee heartbreak but till that moment came she’d have stability with him, a gentle loving touch that would be loyal and want ~her~, the whole of her. She also hoped that he didn’t tell her no because Azrael gave her to him, sure that the fact she was going to go find one of Azrael’s brother’s grace was enough so the angel would allow that to pass. With that, with him, with Christopher, she moved from the hotel room that she had been sent to by Sam and now shared with Christopher to the next room over, to Sam’s room. She hesitated before knocking, not sure what she’d find behind the closed door. She wanted to have this conversation with Sam alone; the whole damned world didn’t need to know her fucking business. Sure it had been two days since Sam woke up and she hadn’t been hanging around his room every moment of that time, okay hardly at all, but with Dean around no one could blame her for that. LOCATION: Sam’s room NYNY Casino, Vegas baby MUSIC: Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch OUTFIT: I <3 Vegas NOTES:Crossroads, not the demonic kind.

[Christopher Price]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i44.tinypic.com/2a0i249.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 2px solid #000; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable] Christopher had changed since being told about his past, since the first edge of memory started coming back. As Ruby got nervier and tenser, Christopher seemed ever more relaxed. The plaintive, half-apologetic edge that had been riding him ever since Castiel dropped him off to the band was gone, replaced with a sort of boundless calm. He didn't know yet, not all of it, but he no longer wondered why he was here. He had a purpose, even if he didn't yet wholly understand it. The only urgency left on him was the desire to get on his way. Adam hadn't known the location, but Christopher had. Loreto, just around the tip of Baja. He'd always loved the old-fashioned little town, and there was a diving cave that he'd 'found' when he was seventeen and on vacation with his mother and which had drawn him back over and over again since. It was his secret place, he'd never found anyone else there and never gone there with a companion. And, Christopher now knew, it was where he'd once hidden the most important thing in the world. And so while Christopher understood and sympathized with Ruby's nervousness about this conversation, he wasn't himself anxious about it. They'd talk to Sam, and while he at least predicted that Sam would send them off with a blessing and a merry heart, if it turned into a drama then, well, it did. And in the end, he and Ruby would leave together and they'd just have to mend fences with Sam later. Either way the boat was already being taken down out of drydock and the only thing holding up Christopher buying the plane tickets out to the coast to pick up the Sredni Vashtar was Ruby's need to have this confrontation with Sam. He laid a hand on her back while they waited for the door to open, trying the best he could to calm her, or if he couldn't do that to at least reassure her that no matter how this all went down, he wasn't going anywhere without her. [style=padding: 0px 15px; font-size: smaller;] Location: Sam's Room, NYNY Casino, Vegas Music: Seven Bridges Road - The Eagles Outfit: Plain white tee and faded jeans, with battered zoris Notes: He's remarkably un-stressed about this whole situation. [/style]

[Sam Winchester]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i52.tinypic.com/do8d8x.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 2px solid #232a00; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable] It took all his strength not to act like a girl and draw Adam as close as possible. It had gotten stronger, today. The visions, the memories. It was overwhelming and terrifying. Yet, he absolutely refused to admit it. In fact, instead of dealing with the horrors in his head, he'd called up Adam and fairly demanded that his little brother come up to his room. As soon as the youngest Winchester had entered the little room, Sam's entire demeanor had changed. Instead of cowering in the middle of his bed, he was able to walk around. He was even able to use the restroom, which he'd been holding due to the fear. With his younger brother's presence, he was able to move, to force himself to ignore the hallucinations. Adam gave him a purpose, a reason to stand tall and strong. He'd never admit to Adam just how much he was being torn up inside. Not that he needed to, he had a feeling that his brother knew. They'd been down there, shared time. And then he'd been forced to abandon him. That was the worst feeling, that he'd left Adam behind when his brother needed him the most. And that, right there, was the reason he'd come back. He hadn't come back for Dean. He had destroyed the last Sam in his head because of the brief meeting with the youngest. The food he'd ordered for them had just arrived and, despite the fact that he kept moving around the room, he touched Adam every once in a while. As if to remind himself that they were both real. That they were out. A knock on the door had him cursing. "I can't deal with this right now. My head hurts, and I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm a fucking murderer. Just a few days. That's all I needed." He glanced at Adam, his hand brushed his shoulder and he steaded himself. "Sorry Adam. Hold on." He moved quickly to the door and yanked it open. Half-expecting it to be Lucifer, there was real surprise when he discovered Ruby and...some guy he'd never seen before. Sam was a mess, his hair mussed, his sweats rumpled. He had, thankfully, remembered to pull on a shirt at some point, but it was on backwards and inside out. Confusion settled in. "Um...Ruby? I-I'm glad to see you. I just...Well, this isn't really..." He glanced over his shoulder at Adam, almost apologetic before backing up. "Please, come in." Once the duo had passed the door, he closed it behind them. "Ruby this is Adam. Adam, Ruby." The introduction was absent, but sincere. He honestly believed the two had never met before. His brain was a frenzy. There was blood on the wall above the TV...He stared at the spot for a long moment, seeming close to tears. A hand groped in his pocket, searching half-heartedly for the knife he'd used the day before to cut himself. He'd sliced his palm open that morning before Adam had showed up. Realizing he'd put the knife in the drawer next to his bed, he instead pressed the thumb of one hand into the clean, white bandage over his palm. When blood seeped through the bandage, he drew his gaze from the wall and focused again on Ruby. There were a few other bandages, all from self-inflicted wounds he'd created the day before. His first day awake, he'd used a knife to create physical pain and, thus, remind himself what was real and what was not. [style=padding: 0px 10px; font-size: smaller;] Location: Wearing: Sick clothes Music: Waiting for the End by Linkin Park Notes: He's a little lost. [/style]

[Ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/ei88w7.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #ccc; width: 500px; height: 572px; padding: 0px;, bTable] She hesitated, Christopher’s hand at her back the only thing that kept her from folding like a house of cards at the moment she saw Sam like that. Was she wrong? Did he need her again and just too proud to ask her? Did he think that because she wasn’t present that she hadn’t wanted to help him? All the resolve drained from those dark eyes of hers replaced by fear for him, sympathy, and shock at how quickly he’d returned to the state he was in before he passed out. “Sam…Sammy we could, I mean I could….if…” She couldn’t even seem to form a sentence, having planned out what she was going to say before she got to the room, well she’d damn well had forgotten it now. Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach, how was she supposed to leave now, with him like this? There was also Christopher though, he’d be in danger now and they had a race to find his grace before anyone or anything else made a try for it. Had she just said we too? God that would be all Sam needed to read into what had happened, what was going on, a wave of guilt and shame now adding to all those damned human emotions that mixed inside of her as her eyes dropped to the ground, unable to meet Sam’s disheveled look any longer. “Adam and I know each other.” Her eyes trailing over to the young man, she knew that he knew why they were there, asking him an unspoken question, the same one that she knew he’d understand, would Sam be okay without her? Both brothers were so tormented she felt as if they both needed someone watching over them, shouldn’t it be her? No it should be Dean but to her shock…well not really seeing how absent he’d been lately, he wasn’t present. As she brought her eyes back to Sam, ready to open her mouth and introduce him to Christopher when she saw him press on the cut, the blood seeping through the wound, her head going up to where he was looking, eyebrows furrowing when she saw a perfectly untouched wall, having an inking as to what was going on now. No, this would no longer stand in her mind. She took in a shaky breath, moving away from Christopher and over to Sam, grasping his wrists in her hands. “Stop it Sam.” Her tone forceful, one he’d heard before all those years ago when she was training him, showing him how to use the powers he’d been given by Azazel’s blood in order to exorcise demons. It was a tone she would use when she didn’t want him to question her judgment, perhaps a little harsher than it needed to be, but she couldn’t stand this one moment more. If this was torture she’d had her fill of it. “No Sam, this stops here and now. Don’t you do to yourself what those feathered assholes did to you in the cage. You are Samuel Winchester, the man who told Lucifer himself to fuck right off, you are better than this, stronger. To hell with who is or isn’t here for you, you are the most powerful man I know and you will not fall into this self-mutilation anymore. Now sit.” It was like someone had turned a switch on inside her, that pitiful creature she had been just melting away finally and there it was, what Christopher had described as semi-cranky ex-demon or what Dean might describe as hell-bitch but all Ruby, it was there, just simply there. Beyond all the bullshit and trying to please the people around her, beyond all the trying to keep up with every turn and twist, here between the two men who meant the world to her she’d found her footing again and later she’d be surprised and shocked by it but for now it just felt natural. LOCATION: Sam’s room NYNY Casino, Vegas baby MUSIC: Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch OUTFIT: I <3 Vegas NOTES:I guess all she needed was to have enough.

[Christopher Price]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i44.tinypic.com/2a0i249.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 2px solid #000; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable] Adam had been sitting on the edge of the bed, now he rose to his feet and stepped up behind Sam. He made it look casual, the way his shoulder and arm touched the back of Sam's, but there wasn't anybody in the room who didn't know what he was doing and why. "Yeah," he said quietly. "We've met. We used to hang out and snark about other people while we were waiting for you to wake up. Hi Ruby, hi Christopher." When Ruby got forceful, that snap in her voice, right at the first Adam was glad of it. He knew, even after two days, that sometimes Sam needed to be shocked out of his downward spirals and it wasn't anything he himself could do. But as she kept going Adam tried to give her a little headshake. Too much, at least it felt like too much to him. Maybe he was overidentifying, but he himself tended to cringe from too much shouting or forceful speech. The anger of archangels was a dangerous thing and he still flinched from any reminder. He pressed closer to Sam's back, trying to head off any bad reaction. Christopher kept his hand on Ruby's back, he wasn't going to hide or withdraw from the touch. Possibly Ruby had infected him with her nerviness, that he felt the need to make this subtle, silent declaration of possession. But his smile was calm and friendly, his voice as mellow as ever as he said, "Hi Sam, it's good to meet you. I'm Christopher. Hey, Adam." Location: Sam's Room, NYNY Casino, Vegas Music: Seven Bridges Road - The Eagles Outfit: Plain white tee and faded jeans, with battered zoris Notes: Okay, maybe a teensy bit stressed. [/style]

[Sam Winchester]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i52.tinypic.com/do8d8x.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 2px solid #232a00; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable] Small hands gripped his wrists, his gaze skittered over the other male in the room. Too many people, too much harshness. Sam backed away from the fiery female and obediently sat, although he flinched just a tiny bit from her tone. But he didn't want to sit. He couldn't stay still. So, Sam got back up, paced behind Adam, spared a glance to the newly introduced Christopher and then paced back up to Ruby, noticeably bumping against Adam's shoulder. Not that he paid much attention. "It's not self-mutilation. It helps me stay sane. I don't know any other way right now. I'm working on other solutions. But I'm not cutting deep enough to hit the veins and I'm using up all of Adam's time as it is. I need a bite to return to reality. Something physical and here. Otherwise Lucifer wins and I'm turned into a puddle of mush." The Winchester drew himself up to his full height, towering over the other three in the room with a rush of strength he hadn't realized he had. "I'm handling this the best I can right now, Ruby. You'll have to let me do this my way otherwise I really will break." He paused, the restlessness gone for the moment, replaced by a quiet calmness. "You've come to tell me you're leaving, haven't you?" He'd glanced over what she was wearing, and noticed the disarmingly charming way the man beside her had kept his hand on the small of her back. She was moving on. "I'm glad that you have found a purpose, although I don't know what it is. You always seemed so restless and I was so very useless to you." [style=padding: 0px 10px; font-size: smaller;] Location: Wearing: Sick clothes Music: Waiting for the End by Linkin Park Notes: He's a little wired, too. And many mood swings. [/style]

[Ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/ei88w7.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #ccc; width: 500px; height: 572px; padding: 0px;, bTable] Those dark eyes followed Sam’s movements, listening to the other men in the room speak politely but she had a focus, a purpose, and her attention was there, Christopher’s hand on her back a small strength to her as she looked up at Sam, not intimidated by his height. To tell the truth only twice in her life had she ever been truly intimidated by him, the first was when he held her knife at her throat when she tried to keep him from running headfirst into a demonic trap, the second time was when she first saw him again, newly human, afraid his reaction would be to put a bullet in her brain. “This isn’t handling it Sam, it’s just doing to yourself what they did to you in hell only on a smaller scale. It’s a learned response. Pain is what they gave us there, what you should cling to here is what they tried to take from you in the pit.” Then she shook her head, disgusted and disappointment in the gesture, looking down at the ground a moment then back up at Sam. She took him in, looking him over fully, rose colored glasses off in a moment of clarity. Her Sam, the man she loved, the man she tried to rip through hell, the man she screamed out for in hell so loud an angel had heard her, he was gone. “Fine Sam, do what you think is best, what I have to say to you, my experience, none of that has meaning to you anyway.” Perhaps a bit bitter as well, mad at herself that when she tried to help him, where she reached out to him she had felt pushed away. Frustrated with her own failure and seeing her own handiwork now, she’d done this to him as surely as if she had been the torturer in the pit. “I…we…no I came to ask if I could leave. Remember Azrael gifted me to you, your responsibility, so if you decide I have to stay then I do. The last thing I want is to be dragged back down to hell for disobedience. Christopher needs me, he needs my help, I sort of have experience in what he’s dealing with and this time it shouldn’t include being handed over to Alistair to be tortured. Stop with the pity, you don’t wear it well Sam and you made it clear, you don’t need me.” So yes the Alistair crack was a low blow but at times she could be petty too, especially when there were real wounded feelings under it all. She’d felt like carry-on luggage for a good bit now and when she tried to help she got pushed away for it. As far as she saw it her own devotion had been met with moments of him needing her and the rest some strange idle abandonment. When he pushed her into her own room it was like driving a nail in her heart, her loyalty gifted by his pushing her further away. Being a demon was easier, emotions weren’t as intense as this, they had a strange sort of filter in front of them and she seemed to remember them not getting all jumbled up inside her like they were now. So she did what had served her well for centuries, put up that semi-cold mask when dealing with people, that one that said you can’t get under my skin when the opposite was true, she was standing in a room with three men who could very effectively get under her skin. “So, am I allowed off the leash?” Yea, there went that filter between her brain and her mouth too. LOCATION: Sam’s room NYNY Casino, Vegas baby MUSIC: Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch OUTFIT: I <3 Vegas NOTES:She's still getting used to we instead of I.

[Christopher Price]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i44.tinypic.com/2a0i249.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 2px solid #000; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable] There was too much going on here, too much history that he didn't understand and Christopher was left unsure as to his own reactions. Sam's response to Ruby had seemed reasonable enough, if noticeably apathetic. Christopher wasn't sure why it had touched off that flare of anger in Ruby, but he had to assume that it had something to do with sections of their past history that he simply didn't understand. Ruby had filled him in on the basics, but that wasn't the same as truly understanding the muddle of love and loyalty and hurt and fear that existed between two people who had loved one another and been bad for each other. And not knowing what had made her so angry, but not wanting to make things worse or harder on anybody, Christopher just ran his hand up and down Ruby's back, stepped up closer behind her so that she could feel his bulk and warmth at her back, offer subtle support even as he said calmly, "I've got my own path to follow, and we want to follow it together. But neither of us would feel right about going without getting square with you." Adam was focused down on Sam again. He, like Christopher, felt that he lacked information here though in his case it was because he didn't understand what Ruby was talking about when she said she was 'gifted' to Sam and he was assuming that this was the source of her anger. However, most of his attention was on Sam, on how hsi brother was going to hold up in the face of fresh anger. He didn't say anything, just watched and waited, ready to step in even if he wasn't even remotely sure how. Location: Sam's Room, NYNY Casino, Vegas Music: Seven Bridges Road - The Eagles Outfit: Plain white tee and faded jeans, with battered zoris Notes: They're both trying to be helpful, both probably failing. [/style]