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Post by Nichole Winchester on Nov 21, 2011 17:20:25 GMT -5
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too many dreamers,
LOOKING FOR THE ONES THAT LAST |
[/div] Nichole sat at a table, picking at her plate. She had decided to go to the cheap buffet and eat something while she could. Of course she wasn’t really hungry, too much stuff on her mind. The crowd around her had taken a break from their gambling, show watching, or whatever else they had planned for the day. She knew she needed to eat something, but her talk with Dean wasn’t as promising as her talk with Bishop. Her older brother didn’t really help her much, but he was so intent on having her by his side. She was wondering if that is what she wanted and if it was the best for her and those around her. She bit her bottom lip in worry, and picked up a forkful of food. She got it a few inches off of her plate, and then set it down again. The food smelled good when she picked it up a half hour ago, but now it had gone cold. She had perhaps taken two bites out of the whole plate, and they were delicious tasting bites.
She just wanted to know if Adam still needed her, or what. He was in pretty bad shape when she showed up on his doorstep a week and a half ago. She wondered if he had made any progress toward functioning normally on his own, or if he needed her still. Truth be told, she hasn’t really seen him since they got to the casino and she really wanted to check up on him. She was of course still shaking a bit every time she thought about her meeting with Lucifer, and like a well oiled machine her hands shook a bit at just thinking about the archangel’s name. Of course she didn’t want to send Adam off the deep end, so she made a promise to herself to keep the information that Lucifer was out walking around. She didn’t tell anyone that he was back, well save for Dean. And there was no telling who he had told, but she only hoped that word would not get around to Adam. She could only imagine the attack he might have if he ever found that out.
Nichole pushed some of the food around her plate once again, no longer did it look like the nice, tasty morsels but as if someone had eaten a bit and then played with their food. Which of course is what she exactly had done, and now that her appetite had been barely taken care of she didn’t think she could eat anymore. She had too much things on her mind, and she was a bit stressed as well. And of course stress and her didn’t exactly get along, one only had to ask Bishop. He now has to memorize a whole new address because of her, and when Sam collapsed the casino nearly did as well. If it wasn’t for her hunter, it might have happened. She finally set her fork back down on her plate for like the fiftieth time, she heard footsteps approach her and wondered who they could be. TAGGED: Adam WORD COUNT: 522 NOTES: She isn’t sure where she should go with Adam… [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by Adam Milligan on Nov 22, 2011 1:09:40 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]More and more, when Adam didn't need to be in Sam's room (whether that need was for his benefit or for Sam's, which at this point it was a fluid thing) he was spending his time exploring the casino. The public areas were complicated enough, but once he lifted a card key off a desk clerk and started exploring the back corridors and work areas of the massive complex Adam had learned just how much there was to be fascinated by here. He tried not to push his luck, didn't go anywhere near the support area for the casino floors themselves, but he poked his nose into supply closets and kitchens, store rooms and staging areas. He climbed all over the rigging in the theater where Lorica was playing and made it all the way down to the deep sub-basements where all the ugliest parts of running a casino are tucked away. It was like a whole city contained in a handful of buildings, and poking his nose into odd corners of it was one of the only things Adam did with himself that wasn't about his brokenness or his family's brokenness in any way. He did it because he liked it, and that made it a kind of therapy after all. He'd been near the room service kitchen (one of them, there were four) and the smells plus the exercise had made him actually hungry, so he headed to the buffet because it was cheap and easy. He'd piled up his plate with the kind of mad assortment of foods that you get at a buffet--a philly steak sandwich, a scoop of cottage cheese topped with sunflower seeds, onion rings, chocolate dipped strawberries, a scoop of pre-mixed caesar salad--and had a glass of Pepsi in his other hand. He wasn't expecting to see Nichole there, but when he spotted her he redirected and headed for her table with no thought of waiting for an invitation. "Hey Nick." He smiled at her as he set down his plates and glass, slid into the seat opposite hers. "Great minds think alike or something. How are you doing today? Sam's with his goth groupie again." That particular piece of news hadn't come out yet, Adam just assumed that Zee was some ex or something who was doing a better job than some of the other girls at worming her way into Sam's life. The penis-washing school of courtship. |
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Post by Nichole Winchester on Nov 25, 2011 14:50:16 GMT -5
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too many dreamers,
LOOKING FOR THE ONES THAT LAST |
[/div] If she were to tell herself the truth, Nichole had actually been alone quiet a bit since she and Adam had arrived and Sam dropped like a sack of potatoes. No one barely talked to her, and Dean had to go kill the demons with a group of other hunters while she was left behind with her father, who had yet to have said one word to her, Ruby, who seemed to love to kill her, and Bishop, her hunter. When that was done and over with, everyone went their own way and did their own thing. Dean had planted himself next to Sam with a weapon, Adam was spending his time between sitting with Sam and exploring the complex, her father had made himself scarce, and Bishop was busy with his duties for the band. So she had been left alone, and she spent her time between wondering around the casino learning how others interacted with one another and being holed up in her room watching television. This time it much easier for her to avoid the porn channels, thinks to her hunter who had taught her how to use a remote.
"Hey Nick. Great minds think alike or something. How are you doing today? Sam's with his goth groupie again."
The blond looked up at her younger brother, and gave him a warily smile. He seemed to be cheerful today. She pushed her food around her plate some more, as she tried to think of a way to answer him and not bring his mood down. ”Hey Adam. I’m doing okay. You seem to be doing better. And I wouldn’t know much about what is going on with Sam. And that isn’t including the fact I have no idea what a Goth groupie is.” She answered him. She purposely left out the part about her being left out of the loop all together, and she really didn’t want to bring him down from where he was. He looked better, and that was what she was hoping for. Perhaps he really didn’t need her as much as she thought. Perhaps what or more like who he needed was Sam. Her conversations with Dean and Bishop playing in her mind, and she couldn’t help but notice how those two and Adam act around her. Bishop seemed the most comfortable around her, where as Dean was guarded. Adam had seemed to be doing a whole lot better since being with Sam.
TAGGED: Adam WORD COUNT: 410 NOTES: Bishop is looking better and better… [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by Adam Milligan on Nov 26, 2011 13:56:50 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]He grinned as he started on his onion rings and cottage cheese. Part of the joy of a buffet was pairing weird foods that would never normally share a plate. "Better," he confirmed, he wasn't feeling remotely right inside, but he definitely thought there was improvement. Partly the talks he was having with Sam, partly the stability of having been here at the casino for a few weeks, partly the meds. "And Sam's doing better. He still kinda loses it sometimes but he hasn't passed out again." He was amazed how hungry he was, the onion rings in particular were implausibly delicious. "And right now he's got some tiny little dark-haired chick named Zee holing up in the room with him every time Dean's not there. Not sure what that's about, presumably she's an ex or something?" He shrugged, saying, "He seems solider after her visits, s'all I care about." A few more bites and then, "How about you, Nick? I hardly see you lately. My fault, I'm sure, I'm always in there with him or running around in the back alleys." He wouldn't say, at least not right now, that he suspected he might have been avoiding Nichole a bit. He felt vaguely betrayed by her clear preference for Dean, and had been giving it some space while he worked through that because he recognized that it wasn't a fair response. Dean had been around her the longest, he was the one family member other than Adam who accepted Nichole wholeheartedly. And given that Dean sheltered and took care of Nichole instead of needing her to shelter and take care of him as Adam had, was it really so surprising that she would prefer the former to the latter? |
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Post by Nichole Winchester on Dec 6, 2011 17:55:28 GMT -5
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too many dreamers,
LOOKING FOR THE ONES THAT LAST |
[/div] Nichole was of course having trouble making up her mind about what to do. She knew she could cross of her father and Sam for her immediate future options, as they seemed to want nothing to do with her. Adam had seemed to need her when she showed up at his motel room door a few weeks ago, but it seemed that he might not be needing her any more. She bit her bottom lip in thought of what to do, wishing that someone would just tell her like she has been told all of her heavenly life. She nodded her head, not really understanding what was told to her about Sam. He hated her, or so she thought. She still thought that Bishop was the best option for her to take from here. When everyone has to leave the casino and go their separate ways. She gathered that Adam would want to stick close to Sam as he had been doing since they got there, and that fine with her. If it helped him, so be it. That would leave just Bishop and Dean as her options.
”How about you, Nick? I hardly see you lately. My fault, I'm sure, I'm always in there with him or running around in the back alleys."
The blonde pushed her food around her plate some more, smearing her sweet peas more into her mash patotoes and her cheese covered broccoli into her meatloaf. Now her plate looked like someone had just lost their meal onto it, and she just pushed it away from her. She lifted her face to look at her younger brother, knowing that her troubles were clearly written on her face. ”I’ve just been wondering around the place, avoiding everyone who I know might not welcoming me. Heck, even the ones who might. Mostly been holed up in my room, watching…cartoons. You know the usual stranger at a family reunion might do.” She responded to him, truth ringing in her voice. Well save for the major reason of not running into Lucifer again. She was of course the stranger at this little convention. And since everyone seemed to have their own preferences as to who to spend time with, she was left mostly to her own devices. Who would want to spend a few minutes with someone who was a Winchester but at the same time not one? Since her meeting with Lucifer, she had not left the casino. TAGGED: Adam WORD COUNT: 410 NOTES: Trying so hard to fit in a belong. [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by Adam Milligan on Dec 7, 2011 3:27:01 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]"You know," his voice was pensive, a little distant, which was a sure sign that he was about to go off onto one of his tangents-that-wasn't, those calm and detached observations that gave away just how fiercely he paid attention to all of his family, not just Sam. "I've noticed something about you, Sam and Dean. I don't know if it's a 'real' Winchester thing, though Dad doesn't really have it. Can't get him to make an emotional committment for long enough, probably. But you three all do the same thing, where you want your emotions to be all or nothing, and you want it immediate." He stirred his Pepsi idly as his eyes looked past Nichole, through her. "You all do it. You expect it out of yourselves, but also out of other people. Sam flaying himself because he wasn't able to shrug off the wall in his mind crashing down in a heartbeat. But also going all hurt-and-betrayal because when him and Dean met up in that croat town Dean didn't immediately cast up prayers of thanksgiving and kill the fatted calf. Dean expresses a minute of doubt, wants just a little while to assess and get his feet under him again before dealing with the resurrection of his brother, and Sam is butt-hurt forever because of Dean's 'rejection'." "And Dean does the same thing. Somebody questions even for a minute that he should be granted total and unswerving respect and loyalty even when there's no basis for it on a personal level and he completely loses his shit. Starts hollering about all the ways he's suffered and how that ought to get him a free pass to Disney World forever or something. He expects that kind of blind admiration and loyalty even from people who have no reason to give it to him, who aren't family or friends or even hunters, and gets eighteen kinds of pissy if he doesn't get it." Adam nodded toward Nichole, "And you do it too. I thought at first that it was because of the whole not acclimated to humanity thing, but the more I see of it the more I think it's a family trait. Dean accepted you two minutes after meeting you because Castiel was messing with his memories to make him remember. Sam doesn't have any memories to mess with, and for whatever reason Cas can't or won't restore Dad's memories of you, but still you think that because Sam rejected you over the course of a high-stress shouting match that happened five months ago and Dad is being his usual grumbly detached self about you that means you're the Stranger At The Feast forever and always and you'll never be loved or have a place in the world." He smiled at her, fond and chiding at once. "Yeah, I was willing to take it on faith within twenty minutes of meeting you that you were my angel half-sister that had been scrubbed out of the memory of the world and blah blah blah. But you get that that's fucked up, right? I don't regret doing it, I'm glad that when you showed up I was even able to emotionally bond with somebody. And I'm glad it was you. But I gotta wonder whether you understand that accepting some chick you've never heard of turning up at a motel room door and declaring herself to be an angel and your half-sister and somehow erased for everybody's memories? That's seriously messed up. Normal people don't work that way." "Life's not all-or-nothing, Nick. Life's a whole lot of baby steps, even when the steps are boring and painful. And you're never going to get further in to the family or anybody else by hiding in your rooms watching cartoons and telling yourself that nobody loves you right." |
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Post by Nichole Winchester on Jan 16, 2012 12:45:31 GMT -5
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too many dreamers,
LOOKING FOR THE ONES THAT LAST |
[/div] Nichole listened to her younger brother and bowed her head in guilt. She knew he was right, and she didn't know how to change it. She played some more with the mess that was her plate in front of her, thinking what would be best for her. ”It isn't that, not exactly. I mean yeah, I grew up learning that everything was put up front and open for the other to see and react to. And after Sam, well I just didn't know how to react correctly. And now I know I did it wrong. Now I close myself off because I'm afraid I'm going to screw up even more. Worse than I did with Sam, and I don't want that. I didn't even want to hurt anyone. Much less Sam or my family, even if they don't remember me. And now I just have a few short days to figure out where to go from here. But this is a big step for me, I mean something this big was always decided for me. And so far I just have three options. Go with either Bishop, Dean, or you.” She started to babble, and looked down at the mess that she created.
She couldn't help but think that is how she had made her life at the moment. She lifted up her unsweetened ice tea and took a deep sip, before setting it back down and looking at him. ”You know when I showed up at your motel room, and saw how bad of a shape Michael and Lucifer left you in, I made myself a promise. You know what I promised? I promised myself that I'm not leaving you until one or two things happened. You are either better or you tell me to go. And it seems that you are doing better. Thing is that I know that Dean would drop everything if Sam was ever in trouble to go and help him. I'm not even sure he would do that for me. I am just the long lost relative here. Gosh, I'm not even sure if I'm doing this right or not.” She added softly, and pushed her plate away from her.
”At least tell me if I am going about it the right way. Please tell me if I should continue to work on getting to know the family or am I just repeatedly hitting a solid brick wall that I have no chance of breaking. I trust you, Adam. Just like I trust Bishop or Dean or Castiel.” Nichole said looking at him, her doubt if she could do this shown in her eyes and written all over her face. She spoke the truth when she said she trusted him, and she had found herself not trusting others easily. She waited on his response, her hands folded in her lap with her face turned down looking at them. ”But I would like you to know, Adam, that if you ever need me, I'll be there for you. I mean nothing in the universe would keep me from getting to you and helping you.” She added in truth, and hoped he knew that as well. TAGGED: Adam WORD COUNT: 534 NOTES: She really is no good at this... [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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