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Post by Adam Milligan on Oct 22, 2011 21:31:50 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]The clockwork arms skittered up the grated walls, gore-clotted claws hooking into the irregular holes between iron rods. Choked by the smell of hot metal and cooking blood and a thick, chemical scent that in his mind was always axle grease. Michael laughing with his sharpened teeth showing, Lucifer talking, always talking as he worked, that endless pleasant chit-chat that turned into something worse than the pain. Burns feel cold before they feel hot, there's a hard spot of chill and the smell and sound of burning meat, the heat doesn't come until later.
Scenes of his childhood ripped out of his mind and twisted into a nightmare carnival of truth-as-lies, played out in front of him over and over as Lucifer laughed and asked if he was sure his mother had never resented him? A woman alone, raising a son fathered by a man she still loved but never saw, why wouldn't she sometimes look at the boy who was so much more like her than he was his father and wish it hadn't happened?
And just as Adam gathered enough courage to yell defiance, to scream that his mother had loved him, that she'd been the only one in his entire short life who had, that's when Michael would step up behind him and the burns would begin again.Adam sat bolt upright in bed, sweating and panting, his heart pounding despite the quetiapine he'd scored from one of the bellhops. The clock read 4:09 AM, but the way his heart was going told him that there was going to be no more sleep tonight. He'd gotten about two and a half hours, that was as good as it got generally, so he rolled out of bed and headed for a shower to wash the fearsweat and sedatives away. One nice thing about Vegas, there was always something to do when you couldn't sleep at night. Adam pulled on clean clothes and grabbed the Kindle that Luke had given him, his room key and the secondhand wallet loaded with somebody else's money and headed out, intending to go downstairs to the 24-hour restaurant and drink coffee and read until his head was too full of fiction to have any room for reality. But as he headed down the hall toward the elevator, Adam saw that there was light coming out from under the door of John's room. He stopped and knocket at the door before he even managed to think about it, second-guess himself. He stood there fidgeting, trying not to think up excuses for why he was there and just admit to himself that he wanted to talk to his father. |
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Post by John Winchester on Oct 23, 2011 18:08:07 GMT -5
He never really slept much to begin with, after Mary had died the old man would stay up hours upon hours researching the things that went bump in the night and if it wasn't that then he'd just stay up keeping a hawk-like glance on his boys, afraid that some unknown creature would come stealing into their room at night and take the only things he had left. When they got older and he was sure they could take care of themselves John was always up and out in that quest for vengeance, sometimes he would be up for days at a time, wouldn't get any sort of sleep until he was too burned out to move anymore. That visit to Hell had just managed to make things worse, now when he did try to sleep if copious amounts of alcohol were involved then he could expect a handful of hours at most before he would awake sweating and in a panic. John didn't do well with the feeling of panic so now he did whatever he could to keep himself busy least he drift off to sleep or just let his mind wander,the old man couldn't deal with the unbidden memories that would come when he let his thoughts wander. Tonight he had the tv on to whatever channel it was on when the last people here had left because he couldn't be bothered to try and find the remote. The show was some crap with Jennifer Love Hewitte, what was it? Ghost Whisperer or some steaming pile of crap like that. Sometimes the tv he came across these days made him wish he was still dead. Either way it provided at least somewhat amusing background noise as he sat at a little kitchenette table and meticulously cleaned his guns. They didn't need the extra scrub, but it didn't hurt and the act itself had become something therapeutic after having done it for so many years. The knock on the door was unwelcome and he had half a mind to just ignore it, but what if it was someone with some news? Sighing and grabbing a large hunting knife he made sure he had it close as he cracked the door open. Could never be too careful, even around here, "Adam," Well that had been unexpected, giving the boy a weak smile he opened the door further and ushered him in, "How...." Again he really didn't know what to say and for a moment John could only be glad that he didn't have anymore children cause he could not keep going through these awkward meetings, "How's everything?" Yeah that would have to do, shutting the door he scrubbed his face with a hand tiredly and give his youngest the once over.
WHERE: New York New York Casino, Vegas
MUSIC: Hells Bells -AC/DC
WEARING: the usual
NOTES: awkward moment for the old man
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Post by Adam Milligan on Oct 24, 2011 1:28:45 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]He shrugged, jerky and graceless, suspecting that his mouth was pulled into a sullen almost-frown but not really able to change that right then. "It's like it is. Been spending a lot of time in Sam's room, doing nothing helpful. Letting Norah swoop me up and boss me around for a while because it makes her feel better." He would never admit that it made him feel better too, that just wasn't in him to do. "Catching up on my reading. Hanging with Nick." There wasn't much else for him to do, and soon Adam would find himself sick of being carried by these near-strangers, but he wasn't quite there yet. "How about you?" He twisted his head slightly to the side so that he could look his father up and down out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to stare because he was a little afraid that if he did he'd do something humiliating like cry or beg or fall over. Sam had the right of it, passing out cold probably would have been easier than trying to reconcile this squirming, desperate need for reassurance and affection with the detachment that Adam thought (feared) his father felt for him. "Are you..." he sort of lost the question he was asking halfway through and finished it semi-randomly with, "here?" Except that when he thought about it, that wasn't a bad question after all. That was a good question, an important one, and he asked it again more firmly. "Are you here? With me and Sam and Nick? Is this where you want to be?" He was trying desperately to keep either whining or accusation out of his tone, and thought he was doing a pretty good job of it. He wasn't sure how long that would last, but for the moment he was doing okay. "Or would you rather be somewhere else? Somewhere away, or where we're away? I--" his mouth closed mid-word, opened again a second later when he was sure his voice wouldn't break. "I can't tell, to be honest. I can't tell if you want to be where we are of if you're here because it's your responsibility. If it's that, it's cool to just say it. I won't mind, as long as I know where I stand." Like hell he wouldn't mind, but at least he would know and he could start to deal with it from there. |
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Post by John Winchester on Oct 27, 2011 1:13:15 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i1095.photobucket.com/albums/i473/shahal_sparda/Rp/johnwinchester.png) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #ccc; width: 500px; height: 572px; padding: 0px;, bTable]"That girls a pistol, gotta give her that," The hint of a fond smile found its way on his face, she was a good girl, and she tried. As long as he wasn't alone, even if John was mildly suspicious of that Nichole character, granted the old man was just about suspicious of everyone these days. Whatever made the poor boy in front of him even mildly content at the moment was good enough for John, it surely was the only reason that he was keeping his mouth shut at the moment, he didn't really want to make any of his boys feel worse then they already did. "I'm...." He was he? Jesus the old man didn't even know how to answer that question. He wasn't in hell at least, but that didn't sound any sort of funny at the moment and right now getting skinned 'alive' by demons over and over again sounded like something he could actually handle better then this awkward meeting, "Well....," Crap. Now would be a wonderful time for the earth to open up under him and swallow him whole, or for an angel to reach out and teleport him to somewhere like the south pole, penguins were cute enough, yeah he could live with that. "Ahh, what?"Well he couldn't say he was expecting that. What did he mean by that? John squinted his eyes a little, wondering if Adam was 'all there' at the moment, before he could open his mouth and ask what the hell he meant by that the kid was talking again. The old man's brows furrowed at the question, did he really give off that sort of vibe? That he would rather be dealing with other things then his children? Sure there was a part of him that did but it was the minuscule area that didn't know how to show emotions that felt that way, sighing he put the large knife down in favor of a bottle of brandy, taking a swing before offering it to his son, "Boy, that's an asinine question, of course I wanna be here, I love you all too much to not want to be here," His shoulders sagged a little for a moment, looking as tired as he felt, "I just wish the circumstances were different, I hate seeing the state you boys are in, both of you," And there was nothing that he could do about it.
WHERE: New York New York Casino, Vegas
MUSIC: Hells Bells -AC/DC
WEARING: the usual
NOTES: he's gonna be the guy that finds the way to become invisible just to get out of situations this awkward
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Post by Adam Milligan on Oct 27, 2011 4:22:10 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]Adam smiled at the offer of the bottle but shook his head. "Doesn't mix well with the antipsychotics." He was matter of fact about his chemical use, legal and illegal. (Not that they weren't all illegal given how he acquired them.) For one thing, there was always the strong possibility that he'd take the wrong cocktail of anticonvulsants, tranquilizers, and mood stabilizers someday and end up flailing and foaming out the mouth on a motel room floor. When that happened, and at this point it was far likelier 'when' than 'if', he'd like for somebody to have at least some idea what he'd been doing to put himself in that state so that possibly the ER could revive him. "And I don't think it's an asinine question at all." Adam could have cheered when that came out sounding calm and reasonable instead of the whine he'd feared. "You're great about sitting with Sam, but then Sam doesn't talk. The rest of the time you're either out with Malaki or one of the other hunters, locked in here, or running around backstage at the shows because you know that neither Nick or I will be there." He shook his head, watching his father through the fringey ends of his too-long bangs. "I'm not accusing you. I hate seeing me and Sam in this state too. He's comatose and I'm crazy and I'm sorry for that. I know it's awful to be around. Christ," a ragged laugh, "I sure as hell wouldn't spend any time with me if I didn't have to." He finally managed to make himself step all the way into the room, sat down in one of the chairs around the table. John had the kit out, so Adam pulled his 1911 out and started stripping it, laying the pieces out on the table with military precision. His father hadn't taught him to do this, neither had his brothers. He'd learned it from YouTube videos in the days just after his resurrection, when he'd realized that he was going to have to live by violence or he'd die as unprepared as he had been the last two times. With his hands and eyes safely occupied, he could keep speaking. "If you'd rather be hunting, if you'd rather be with other people, it's cool. I understand, I seriously do. I just want to know where I stand. I can deal with being too broken to handle. I can deal with being not Winchester enough to matter. I can deal with taking Nick and disappearing because you and Sam and Dean have your thing and that's what you want to run with. I can deal with any of that, but what I can't deal with is not knowing. So if you could just tell me--" his voice had cracked on 'tell', Adam scowled down at the rod he was using to push patches of torn paper napkin through the barrel to absorb the leftover oil and powder from the scrubbing he'd just given it until he could be sure he sounded more normal. "If you could just tell me, I'd appreciate it. I need honest here, even if honest is 'you're creepy as fuck, go away.'" Location: Room 1515, NYNY Casino, Las Vegas Music: Crazy (Acoustic) - Seal Outfit: Jeans and a t-shirt, same as always Notes: He actually thinks that this is letting John off the hook.
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Post by John Winchester on Nov 5, 2011 20:24:58 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i1095.photobucket.com/albums/i473/shahal_sparda/Rp/johnny-3.png) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 3px double #2c2e3a; width: 500px; height: 601px; padding: 0px;, bTable]John raised a brow ready to go into a fatherly 'drugs are bad' lecture and why he didn't approve of the idea but stopped himself, figuring that they had enough to go over as it was without John reprimanding him over something that he was probably using as a coping mechanism. One that John didn't approve of, but hell the old man had spent more then enough time staring down at the bottom of a bottle just so he could get some sort of sleep at night. So he bit down on his tongue to stop the lecture and instead took another long swing of the bottle, trying to figure out where to go from there. Well the kid had a point, his boys were all a little too astute when it came right down to it damnit, and man it really did sound bad when he put it like that. Sitting down and running a hand through his hair tiredly John fixed his son with a thoughtful glance, "I didn't think you'd wanna see me Adam, hell it's not even that, I didn't think I could actually face you for another while," The older man grit his teeth, took a deeper swallow of the liquor and tried to figure out how he was going to explain it. "It's my fault," The words were more of a whisper to himself then anything else, like he didn't want to admit it because he really just didn't, "Maybe if I had stayed away from you, hell maybe if you just weren't mine you wouldn't have these problems," John Winchester felt like he was a curse on his family when it came right down to it and he couldn't really bare that sad, haunted look on his kids faces and knowing that it was his fault that look was there. Because the old man really did believe that it was his fault. He wanted to think that he wasn't really avoiding his boy, but what he was avoiding was the blond and all mention of her, John didn't know what to think or how to feel about Nichole so he just pushed all thoughts of her away since he was unable to deal with it. Watching Adam clean the gun with mild interest he took another swig, the ghost of a smile on his lips, "Well, ya are a liiitlle creepy," He tried to say playfully, sighing as he was sure that it didn't work out quite like he had hoped, "I'd rather if you didn't go wandering off," John tentatively let a hand rest on his shoulder, "I think....I think we should stick together right now, if not for you bunch then for me, I...... need you boys right now," John wasn't good with this sort of honesty, but there it was, "I also think I should teach you a thing or two about all this," He didn't want the boy blindsided again. [style=padding: 0px 10px; font-size: smaller;] Location: NYNY Casino, Vegas Outfit: The usual Music: Hells Bells -AC/DC
Notes: Honesty scares the crap outta him
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Post by Adam Milligan on Nov 5, 2011 21:16:56 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]"I want to see you." Quiet, but very certain. "You're--" he scowled down at the gun in his hands but that wasn't helping this time, his voice just wouldn't stay as neutral and calm as he wanted it to be. All he could do was try to approach it from as non-emotional point as he could. "You're the only thing left from my life. My life before, I mean. Mom's gone, the house is gone, all my stuff, school, friends, my girlfriend, all of it. Even the parts of it that are still there in Minnesota or Wisconsin I can't exactly go back and pick up. I was killed almost three years ago, it's not like I can call up my best friend Pete and be like, 'Psyche!'" He was failing at keeping emotion out of it, control sucked for Adam lately. "Even Sam and Nick are all this new life, me and Sam didn't really bond until we were in the Cage, and Nick's just grateful to have a family member who needs her." He was going to fucking cry. How humiliating was that? But his eyes were burning, his hands starting to shake enough that he put down the trigger mechanism and the oil-soaked swab for fear of ruining something. "If you can't face me right now, you can't, and like I said I'll deal. But if you're wondering if I want to be around you? I do." A breath that stung his throat. "Because no, if I weren't your son I wouldn't have these problems. This shit doesn't happen to other people. But I am your son, and I know good and fucking well that you never told the angels that they were allowed to fuck with our lives. In fact, I know you died and went to Hell to try to keep the demons from fucking with our lives. So I'm not sitting around blaming you for that." Couldn't pick up the gun again, not with his hands going like this, couldn't meet his father's eyes or those tears that he was fighting off for all he was worth would happen. "If I'm blaming you for anything it's for leaving me unprepared. I didn't know how to keep her and me safe. I didn't know how to fight. Every time the nightmare came for me, I was helpless because I didn't know what to do about it." That bottle was looking better and better, but he didn't reach for it. "You shoulda taught me to shoot a gun. You shoulda taught me how to lay down a salt line and a devil's trap. When I went off to college if not before, you shoulda trusted me with that much because not having it fucked me over." But right after he said that he managed to look up at his father at least briefly, and smile. "And I know I'm creepy. I keep waiting for the chicks to dig how ethereal and tormented I am, but so far it hasn't started happening. Maybe if I wore some guyliner?" The joke, however thin it was, helped. It made it so that he could lean into John's touch, close his eyes and take the comfort for what it was worth. It even made it so that Adam could reach up and wrap his hand around the back of his father's wrist, returning the affection in his own very damaged way. "'Nother thing? You were in Hell, and I don't know what that was like. I was in the Cage, and you don't know what that was like. But both of us went through shit that no human mind oughta have to remember, and both of us do. Way I figure it, that's one more reason to stick together. Nobody else is gonna understand it, not except Sam and Dean. It's a fucked-up thing to bond as a family about, but there it is." Location: Room 1515, NYNY Casino, Las Vegas Music: Crazy (Acoustic) - Seal Outfit: Jeans and a t-shirt, same as always Notes: This may be more than he's said in any single 24 hour period since coming back.
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Post by John Winchester on Nov 15, 2011 15:04:06 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i1095.photobucket.com/albums/i473/shahal_sparda/Rp/johnny-3.png) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 3px double #2c2e3a; width: 500px; height: 601px; padding: 0px;, bTable]His response was something more like a grunt, nodding the slightest bit and having another swing of the liquor, "Definitely have a point there," John was thinking back to the day before when he had run into Dom, seriously when had she gotten that crazy? He rubbed his stubble ridden cheek absentmindedly at the thought, patting his sons shoulder with a generally grim look on his face, there was nothing he could do to help with that, his old life was totally and utterly gone and there was absolutely no way he could ever hope to get that back, "All you can do is move forward then," Maybe it wasn't the most sympathetic thing he could have said, but John felt it was the best advice at the moment. The old man was looking anywhere and everywhere but at Adam again, a deep shame etched onto his features, "Probably doesn't make a lick of sense now, but at the time I thought I could keep you and her outta all this if I just never brought it up. Like maybe everything would stay away from the both of you if I never mentioned it," He sighed, 'outa sight, outta mind' had definitely not worked out well in this situation, "I wanted you to have a normal life, thought I could do right by at least one of you boys if you never had to wonder that something in the dark was trying to kill you," Never had John thought it would backfire so bad, "I'm sorry I didn't prepare you, I'm sorry I left you to get caught with your pants down by all this," It killed him, it really did, if he had known how things were going to go down then yes John would have taught Adam everything under the sun. All he had wanted was to keep him safe, safe and away from the things that he couldn't keep his other boys away from, ".....Well," John had a rather sour look on his face at the idea of 'guyliner' but it was a pretty good joke, ".....Do you think you have the bone structure for it?" He added with a dry chuckle. Humor, it helped to steer conversations away from the chick flick direction that it was heading down. God he was not good with emotional confrontations, but John was counting his lucky stars that Adam didn't want his head on a pike, not that he would have blamed the boy, "Yeah it is, but hey, the family that goes to hell together and all of that," He squeezed his shoulder again, "All we can do is keep on keepin' on, how about tomorrow I start telling you everything about everything I can think of?" [style=padding: 0px 10px; font-size: smaller;] Location: NYNY Casino, Vegas Outfit: The usual Music: Hells Bells -AC/DC
Notes: bonding, john winchester style
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Post by Adam Milligan on Nov 15, 2011 21:55:31 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, background: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2cnt8y1.jpg) center bottom no-repeat; outline: 1px solid #7d776b; width: 500px; height: 600px; padding: 0px;, bTable]"I'm trying," he promised. "That moving forward thing. Both because there's not a whole lotta choice and because, well, I can understand logically that it's the smartest thing to do. It's just the doing that's hard." Adam was fighting one of his sharpest battles recently not with the hallucinations but with slef-pity. He couldn't afford it, it would only slow down his recovery and he was already creeping along so slow it was making him crazy. He opened and closed his hands a few times under the table and finally brought them back up out of his lap to start putting the gun back together. "I want to learn to use a rifle. Like a serious anti-personnel rifle, with a scope and all that. And I want some time with your journal, to see how much of what I know outta Michael's brain is actually true." Hard to be sure, his memory had gaps in it. Human brains really aren't meant to contain the knowledge of an angel, not and keep hold of it afterward. That was probably the vessel thing working that he remembered anything at all. Adam looked up at his father and decided to let him off the hook, at least the best he could. "You still thinking about opening a bar?" At the slight look of surprise Adam laughed. "This whole group runs on gossip and extramarital sex. And rockabilly bootlegs. Doro told me, I think he got it from Luke, who probably got it from Norah. At a guess. Anyway, is that a real thing, or just a passing fancy?" |
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